Are You Committed or Defaulting?

By Toku

We all default to things: fear, insecurity, or old ways of being. These all naturally arise in us and will likely continue to do so throughout our lives. Most people operate from default, from the past, or from their dysfunction most of the time. The goal is not to erase your default mode, but rather to operate from it as little as possible. 

The first part of this is to notice when you’re operating from default mode. Once you notice it, you should then learn to see it clearly, to forgive yourself for coming from that place, to be authentic about where you’re being inauthentic, to clean up any impact, and to get back into leadership. 

Leadership is simply an act of choosing to be responsible and to bring something into reality. Responsible leadership is responsibility for both your own actions and the actions of others as you move along that path. 

It begins with you getting clear on what you’re creating, and then declaring that you will create that. Then, being with and choosing what shows up on the way to creating it. 

Your default is part of what shows up. It’s normal, natural, and incredibly powerful. 

The choice for you is moment to moment, default or commitment. 


You don’t owe anyone an explanation:

Explanations are great, they help people learn, help us feel heard, and create community and connection, but you aren’t owed explanations. Our mind likes them because they present an understandable world to us, but the world is mysterious and your job isn’t to save people from that. 

If you think someone is open to hearing you, or if you’re ok offering an explanation knowing it may not be heard, you can offer an explanation but you don’t owe it to anyone. 

It’s an offering of love when done well. It’s a defense of a choice or a false sense of security when done to placate or take care of others. 



  • Conditions Of Satisfaction for relationship
  • Choose one place where you ended to draw a boundary and consider doing it without an explanation. 

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