When you were growing up it was never quite enough. And so you learn to live with disappointment. You learned to be anxious when you weren’t 100% sure you’d covered all the bases, to check and recheck in the hope that this time it would be enough to get love and praise, and to be disappointed in yourself first, before anyone else could. You also learned to be disappointed in others. If they stood up to the test then you could love them, just like if you stood up to the test you deserved love.
And so now you live in the constant state of fear that you’re letting others down, not because you are, but because that fear feels familiar. You live in a state of being disappointed in yourself because it protects you from the disappointment you project onto others. You express disappointment in others when they fail to meet the exacting standards you set for yourself because after all, it’s only fair to hold them accountable to what you are holding yourself accountable to. That’s love. . . right?!?
What’s possible is to honor your commitments and trust yourself. To look for satisfaction and to choose to be satisfied. What’s possible is to learn to be with others’ disappointment and let that be about their feelings rather than your performance. What’s possible is to hold others in their potential not their performance, and love them in the midst of that. What’s possible is to love and reparent yourself, so that you create for yourself the approval, love, and encouragement you so craved growing up.
Once you learn to see and be with disappointment, what is possible is a breakthrough in love, connection, acceptance, joy, and ease.
